What if Your Postpartum Experience Isn’t Sad - But Angry?

While mental health during the perinatal period has historically received far too little attention in both research and public discourse, awareness has begun to grow in recent decades. The Lindsay Clancy case has brought much-needed attention to perinatal mental health, but it is a tragedy that it took such an extreme and devastating situation to bring the issue into the broader cultural conversation. Postpartum mental health encompasses far more than its most severe presentations. Anxiety, intrusive thoughts, anger, overwhelm, isolation, and countless other experiences deserve to be recognized, discussed, and normalized long before someone reaches a crisis point.

One encouraging development has been increased visibility around postpartum mental health in popular media. Shows such as Workin’ Moms and Black-ish have portrayed postpartum challenges, including Postpartum Depression (PPD), helping to normalize these experiences while shedding light on the challenges women face. Yet one postpartum experience that remains less widely recognized is rage. On a recent episode of Bravo’s The Valley, cast member Kristen Doute, whose postpartum experience has been well documented on camera, opened up about feeling an unfamiliar sense of rage following the birth of her child, something she felt unprepared for. While postpartum rage can be a symptom of PPD, making it all the more important to discuss with medical and mental health providers, it is not exclusive to it. For some women, this rage can  be one of the most distressing and confusing aspects of the postpartum period.

Expectation-setting around the baby blues, sleep deprivation, sporadic crying, and exhaustion is increasingly common among expectant parents. Conversations with friends, medical professionals, and popular books may all help prepare new parents for these more widely recognized postpartum experiences. Advice for managing these experiences can include being kind to yourself, lowering expectations, and leaning on your support system, all important reminders to take care of yourself and utilize healthy supports around you.

But what if you’re still furious?

Postpartum rage is a form of emotional distress that can involve overwhelming anger, irritability, agitation, and sometimes aggressive feelings or behaviors during the postpartum period.

Sometimes this rage can look like an intense urge to snap over seemingly small transgressions that may not have bothered you before. It can feel like needing to slam a door or punch a pillow because you have no outlet for the all-encompassing anger overwhelming you. It can also make you feel like you’re out of control and not yourself. While this is understandably unsettling and upsetting, it's important to know you can experience these emotions and still be a great mom.

This rage can occur for several reasons, including significant hormonal shifts such as drops in estrogen and progesterone, insufficient sleep, past experiences with depression or anxiety, a family history of mood disorders, and the broader emotional and physical upheaval that can accompany the major life changes of welcoming a new baby.

Postpartum symptoms can change and improve with time and support, but you don't have to wait for them to go away on their own. For some, these experiences of rage may last a few weeks, while for others they can persist. It's important to know that these feelings are symptoms. They are not a reflection of self.  Postpartum rage is not something you need to suffer from in silence, hoping that if you endure long enough, it will all go away.

What Now? 

Take some space. It’s common for your newborn to be attached to you nearly 24/7, and that constant physical and emotional demand can be a lot. If you feel yourself reaching your limit, it’s okay to place your baby somewhere safe, like their crib. You are not failing your baby by giving yourself the space to regulate your own nervous system without the added physical and mental weight of caring for your child at that very moment.

Move the energy through your body. Rage can feel like pent-up energy with nowhere to go. Try a simple progressive muscle relaxation exercise: make tight fists while inhaling, hold for a few seconds, and then slowly release as you take a deep exhale. You can also shake out your hands or take a short walk outside, or even around the house.

Try a sensory shift. A sudden change in physical sensation can help interrupt an escalating anger response. Hold something cool in your hands like a water bottle or an ice cube, splash cool water on your face, or place a cool washcloth over your forehead or cheeks. Pay attention to the temperature, pressure, and feeling against your skin. Sometimes giving your body a new sensation to focus on is enough to create a little space between the intensity of the feeling and your response to it.

While these tools can be helpful in the moment, they’re not a magical cure (though I wish I had one to share). Feeling extremely irritated or overwhelmed can be a normal part of the postpartum experience, and an incredibly unpleasant one. That said, it’s important to pay attention if that anger shifts into feeling as though you could hurt yourself or your baby. If you ever find yourself in that place, there is nothing to be ashamed of, and you deserve and need support immediately. Call 9-1-1 and, if you’re able, reach out to a trusted friend, partner, or caregiver who can come be with you and the baby right away.

Coping tools can be helpful for getting through difficult moments, but you don’t have to rely on them alone. If you find yourself feeling increasingly overwhelmed, irritable, hopeless, anxious, or consumed by difficult emotions, you deserve additional support. A mental health professional can help you understand what you’re experiencing and collaborate with you to identify the support and care that feels right for you.

About The Author

Lora Hope, LMSW

I am a psychotherapist who believes mothers deserve the same compassion they so freely give everyone else. My goal is to create a space where you don't have to pretend you're okay, where every emotion is welcome, and where healing happens without judgment.

I take a person-centered, psychodynamic, and trauma-informed approach that honors your experiences and the ways they’ve shaped you. If we work together, we will explore patterns, relationships, and emotions with curiosity and compassion. From there, we can work toward greater clarity, self-trust, and a life that feels more grounded and aligned with who you are.